


Enough

by Halmaithor



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Despair, Discrimination Against Downworlders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e22 All Good Things..., Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Jace Wayland is a Lightwood, Missing Scene, Multi, Religious Discussion, the religion and alcohol stuff is pretty mild just fyi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27038311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halmaithor/pseuds/Halmaithor
Summary: As the party winds down, Alec and Izzy and Magnus find Jace in his room, clutching Clary's note.Or: a look at how families support each other in tough times, with a healthy dose of 'Fuck the Clave (and possibly the Angels)' for good measure.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood, Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood & Maryse Lightwood, Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 16
Kudos: 77





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea I've had knocking around for a while and tonight I just went somewhat feral and wrote the whole thing in just over 4 hours. Apparently this is my process now, but I'm having fun so I'll take it 😂 
> 
> Please heed the tags - this is not a happy story and definitely touches on some pretty serious things. I've tried to handle the following subjects sensitively:  
> \- Grief  
> \- Mutual support in healthy relationships  
> \- Allegorical racism and allyship  
> \- Alcoholism  
> \- Bad parenting and the journey away from it  
> \- Harm and bigotry within religious contexts 
> 
> Please let me know if anything needs adjusting.  
> I hope you enjoy this angsty lil' fic.

Nothing about their engagement has been typical, from the very moment Alec marched into _Ouroboros_ with nothing on his mind except showing Magnus _I'm here, no matter what._

But after the sheer happiness of standing opposite Magnus at the altar, dancing in slow circles in joy and defiance, laughing with their family and friends, Alec had dared to think that they might end least get to _end_ their engagement happily.   
  
And then Izzy had declared it _sibling photo time,_ at which point they realized they couldn't find Jace.   
And at which point, Alec had realized that his high, slightly-spacey feeling was more than just the champagne going to his head. 

  
Alec, Izzy and Magnus find him in his room, and the reason behind the strange numbness coming through the bond is instantly clear; because Jace is practically _catatonic,_ staring down at a small, crumpled piece of paper but clearly seeing nothing.   
Casting Magnus a concerned glance, Alec sits next to his brother, arm coming up to steady him as he sways at the dipping of the mattress. 'Jace?' he tries quietly. 

But Jace just shakes his head, his fingers tightening on the note.   
It only takes Alec a glance at a few sentences to realize why. 

'Oh, god,' he breathes - and then he's turning, pulling Jace against his chest in a comfort that he knows won't be nearly enough. 'Jace. I'm so sorry.'   
But Jace is still frozen, not even lifting his arms to return Alec's hold, even as Alec watches Izzy and Magnus' faces fall in turn as they lean over and glance at the note.   
  
And then Izzy starts _sobbing,_ and Alec panics for a moment because he needs to reach out for her but he _can't_ let go of Jace -   
But Magnus is there to catch her, taking her in his arms and stroking her hair with a comforting hand, mumbling _shush_ es as she cries.   
  
He glances up at Alec, his own eyes brimming - and Alec wordlessly holds out a hand, tugs him close enough that he can keep one arm around his brother, one around his husband, and tangle his fingers in the shoulder of his sister's shawl. 

  
They stay like that for a long time, and eventually, it's Maryse who finds them - blessedly, without Luke, because maybe it's selfish but Alec thinks the last thing he and Magnus need right now is one more person to keep afloat, one more person to protect from drowning in the sheer magnitude of grief. He's barely processing the news himself, and he and Clary haven't even been _friends_ for that long, let alone family.   
  
'Is everything alright?' Maryse asks, with a frown that means she knows it's not. Her expression is a world away from the cold, authoritarian steel she used to fix her children with, but with Jace's silent tears now soaking his collar and Izzy still letting out little whimpers of pain where she's nestled in Magnus' arms, Alec almost thinks it would be easier to answer his mother as a general, not a parent.   
_Get it together,_ he tells himself, and swallows. 'Clary's gone,' he says simply. 'The angels took her memories as punishment for her runes.'   
  
Maryse blinks for a moment, shock written starkly across her features - and then smoothing out as she draws herself up tall, moving with determined gentleness to sit beside Jace on the opposite side to Alec, gently pulling him to her, and reaching out to take Izzy from Magnus in the same fashion.   
  
_'Mom,'_ Jace says - and fuck, Alec has to reach out and pull Magnus closer, the echo of pain washing through and spurring him to give and take comfort in equal measure.   
And Magnus obliges - but Alec doesn't miss how he sways on his feet a little, and he changes his grip from reaching to steadying. 'Hey,' he says, concerned; even though he's not quite sure how to follow it up, after that.   
Magnus usually knows what he means, though, and this time is no exception, a brave half-smile crossing his expression as he shakes his head minutely. 'I'm fine,' he says, quiet enough that it's almost lost.   
  
Almost. 'No you're not,' Maryse says - and Magnus looks at her in surprise, clearly not expecting the kind, firm contradiction of his usual deflections. 'In fact, you two probably ought to get home. I've got things here.'   
  
Alec hesitates for a moment, because his sister is still crying and his parabatai is _hurting_ beyond words and half of his instinct is screaming at him to stay and help, to hold them close and not rest until he's found a way to fix their broken hearts.   
But his mom is there, and Alec realizes with a start that for the first time since he was about thirteen, he trusts her to handle them instead. Which leaves him only with the instinct to protect the other half of his heart - his husband, who's still pretending strength, maybe not even aware of how Alec can feel the normally-steady hum of his magic flickering like an angered, threatened candle flame in lingering exhaustion and fresh grief.   
  
And so Alec nods, taking one arm away from holding Magnus to wrap around Jace briefly. 'You know where to find me,' he murmurs, faintly relieved when Jace nods against Maryse's shoulder.   
Izzy shoots him a wobbly, tearful smile. 'Same goes for you. _Both_ of you,' she emphasizes, glancing at Magnus and reaching out to squeeze his hand for a moment.   
  
Magnus nods, and Alec goes back to holding him close, escorting him from the room.   
And for a moment, no further. Alec closes the door behind them, and stares at it for a moment.   
  
'We can stay,' Magnus says quietly, and Alec could live a hundred perfect lifetimes and never do enough good to deserve this man. 'They're your family. We can stay and help, if you want.'   
Alec shakes his head, glancing back at his husband. 'It's our wedding day,' he whispers. 'I wanted to...'  
He trails off, because there were a lot of things he wanted to do, and none of them quite sum up the real issue with staying. 'I _love_ you,' he says instead. 'You're my _husband.'_ _You're my_ priority, he doesn't quite say, but he thinks Magnus will understand.   
'I know,' Magnus says, pulling him close again. 'The same way I know that if it was Catarina or Raphael facing something like this, you'd make me the exact same offer.' He gives a small smile. 'Alexander, whatever you think is best, all I want is for us to face it together.'   
  
Alec mulls it over for a moment - but it's no contest, really. The rest of his family is safe under the roof of the Institute and the watchful eye of Maryse - or hell, even _Robert._ Because he's an imperfect, perhaps even cowardly man; but he's also never stood to see Isabelle cry without offering comfort. He's never told Jace that he's anything less than golden.   
Which only leaves Magnus, and Alec knows that he's hurting too, can see it in every line of his bearing. The marks of his recent suffering, softened by today's joy, are sharper again, now. More defined.   
  
Alec takes his hand and starts to walk. 'Come on. I want to take you home.'   
Magnus doesn't protest any further, and however unfairly shitty their options are tonight, Alec thinks that this, at least, is for the best. 

  
They walk home. Magnus tried to call them a portal, but Alec grasped his hand as it came up to summon one, raising it to his lips for a gentle kiss instead. 'Take the night off,' he murmured. 'We're in no rush.'   
  
The night air does them good, cold enough that it pours into their lungs and quells the fire of sorrow, that it makes the warm contact of their hands constant and noticeable.   
The familiar noise of New York soothes something in Alec, as well, helps him sort out his feelings from Jace's and process tonight's loss - just a little, just the beginning, but enough to give him some clarity. When he checks on Magnus, glancing over and offering a small smile, he believes the one he gets in return, too; less bravado, and more acknowledgement. Sad, still. But not blindsided anymore.   
  
They step into the loft and Alec doesn't protest when Magnus heads straight for the bar cart - though he can't deny that he's relieved when it's ultimately left alone, his husband turning away with a sigh.   
True, Magnus knows the difference between wanting a drink and needing a drink, and doesn't really tend to tip over into succumbing to the latter's temptation. But screw it - after the month they've had, Alec's allowed to worry.   
  
He steps forward, taking Magnus in his arms again, cradling his face and feeling a warm twist of comfort when Magnus closes his eyes, humming gently and leaning into the touch. 'Why don't we go lie down?' Alec suggests. 'It's been... kind of a day.'   
Magnus chuckles, opening his eyes again, unguarded as he can be without dropping his glamor just yet. 'Something of a mixed bag,' he agrees.   
  
When they move towards the bedroom, unsurprisingly, there's none of the urgency that drove them last night - but there's a similar relief, washed as it is with guilt and sadness. Because whatever's going on outside their doors - and however close to home it hits - whenever they're in this room together, washing up and changing clothes and moving in quiet orbit, they're safe. They can regroup, gather the strength and comfort they'll need as armor come the morning.   
  
They clamber into bed together, facing each other.   
Alec leaves it only a few moments before tilting Magnus' chin up, silently asking him to meet his eyes. 'Talk to me,' he says - not an order, but an offer.   
Magnus huffs a laugh. 'I should be the one saying that. With the exception of Luke, I think you're tuned in to the person hurting worst tonight.'   
Alec shakes his head, though it's less in contradiction than redirection. 'There's enough to go around. You've been looking out for her almost her whole life,' he points out.   
  
Magnus' eyes squeeze shut for a moment - and when he opens them, they're wet and golden, glamor finally falling as his tears well once more. 'I feel... responsible,' he confesses. 'The Alliance rune - binding Nephilim to Downworlders - that has to have been why this happened.' He laughs, and it's a broken thing. 'However many steps forward we make on our plane, sometimes I think that there's little chance of your angels forgiving that my people descend from their fallen,' he says.   
  
Alec swallows hard. It's not the first time he's had that thought, either. Every time they suffer a setback, every time there's an unkind remark that he knows he once wouldn't have blinked at or a new discriminatory byelaw that appalls him now but that he once would have said was for the best, he lies awake in thought and prayer, wondering - is their opposition only earthly? Or could it be that the angels - the benevolent beings that Alec was taught to thank for his lifelong mission of protection and for his bow and for his parabatai bond - really sided with the voices he'd come to see as the cruelest and most unjust in the Shadow World? Did they really think Magnus belonged in exile or servitude, instead of in joy and power and by Alec's side?   
  
Maybe tonight isn't the night for theology, but equally, Alec's not going to let that despair creep into Magnus' heart - not tonight, of all nights, and not when it's guaranteed to cut so much closer than it already does in Alec. 'I don't know,' he says honestly, 'but I hope it's not that simple. After all, the Seelie realm doesn't seem to be doing battle with the angels,' he points out. 'And they've always been from both descents.' Magnus inclines his head in acknowledgement, and Alec forges ahead. 'And even if the Alliance rune was the tipping point... that doesn't make it your fault.'   
  
Magnus looks up sharply, frowning in clear cynicism. 'She created it for me, Alec,' he says. 'So that you all could come to my rescue.'   
Alec shakes his head again. 'Still doesn't make it your fault,' he insists quietly. 'And _especially_ not when you were there because you _saved the world,_ Magnus. You'd be better off blaming me, because they were all worried I'd run off and do something reckless; or Izzy, because she _did;_ or, fuck, blame the damn angels themselves, because if they can't see that what she did was right then maybe-'   
  
He hesitates, blinking hard. _Blasphemy from the blood of angels is not so quickly forgiven,_ warns the Codex - but _fuck it,_ there's a giant hole that's been torn in their cobbled-together family, the love of Jace's life is gone, and the love of Alec's might be hated by the heavens themselves; and Alec's _really_ not in the mood to play nice with anyone who approves of _any_ of that. 'Then maybe we shouldn't be letting them make the rules in the first place,' he says, his stomach twisting in instinctive fear at saying it aloud, though the angels would likely know the defiance in his heart anyway.   
  
He doesn't care. It's not like it's the first time following his heart has risked him a one-way ticket to one of the hells.   
  
Magnus is just... _looking_ at him now, a sympathy on his face that Alec struggles not to chafe under, because he hates to deny Magnus anything but this isn't supposed to be about _his_ anger, it's supposed to be about taking care of _Magnus -_  
As if reading his thoughts, Magnus chooses then to speak. 'It's all right if you're hurting too, Alexander,' he says softly, running a hand down Alec's cheek in a way that makes him weak with the gentleness of it. 'Like you said, there's plenty to go around.'   
  
And that's still hard for Alec to believe - at least on his own behalf - but Magnus is probably the smartest man alive and Alec loves him beyond all measure, so he nods, because he'll try. 'I just...' He pauses, his tongue darting out over his lips. 'We've been running around trying to _fix_ everything for... forever,' he says helplessly, shaking his head. 'And I'm just - done. I'm done with that.' He swallows hard, the words feeling strange - but right, as well. Apparently, this is the last straw, and something inside him has snapped, and he's not so sure that that's a bad thing. 'Maybe we don't have to blame anyone tonight,' he says, reaching for Magnus again, that same familiarity of giving and receiving comfort all at once giving him enough daring for a tiny, sad smile. 'And if we can't have the happiness by itself tonight - like I wanted for us, and like I know you did too - maybe we can at least just... give ourselves a break,' he says. He's not sure he's explaining this right, but it's all he's got, for now. 'If we can't celebrate the way we wanted, maybe we can at least just _let go,'_ he murmurs. 'Just for tonight.'   
  
And Magnus smiles at him, and his eyes are still shining but it's a real smile, with comfort laced amidst the sadness. 'I think we deserve that much,' he whispers. 'Though I'm not sure if I know how.'   
'Me either,' Alec admits. 'But we'll figure it out together, yeah?'  
  
Magnus nods, and Alec pulls his husband close, letting out a deep breath as his own tiredness seems to catch up to him all of a sudden. 'I love you,' he says. 'I'm so grateful for you. And I'm always going to try my best to be here for you.'  
Magnus presses a kiss to his collarbone. 'I love you too, Alexander,' he murmurs. 'I can hardly believe how lucky I am to have you.'  
He pulls back minutely, just for a moment. 'And I may be new to this whole _husband_ thing,' he says with the hint of a grin, 'but the way I see it... From now on, I don't think either of us ever have to face the world alone.'   
  
Alec returns the smile, pressing a kiss to Magnus' forehead before letting him settle wholly into his arms once more. 'Yeah. That sounds pretty good.'   
Magnus hums in agreement.   
  
Their second set of vows is unrehearsed and unwitnessed, and most of it has been said with wavering voices beneath watery eyes.   
Alec thinks it might be the most important thing they've ever said to each other.

  
There's no celebration that night. The joy waxes and wanes under sorrow and guilt and trembles under the echoes of despair.  
  
But they're together, and they're warm and safe and in love. They're _married,_ and their family is safe, and they're wrapped in each other's strong arms and comforting words.  
  
Maybe, for tonight, that's enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Please do let me know what you thought. ♡
> 
> Find me on tumblr: silver-latin-and-salt :)


End file.
